:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
