By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
