someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
