why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
