goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
