do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
