if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
