Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
