I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
