Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
