I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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