Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize