My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
