'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
