Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
