i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Is it penis luge time yet?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
