I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
