I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize