Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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