i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
