Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize