Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
