I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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