I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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