I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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