It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
