How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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