Buhtt sex?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
