worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
