That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
