someone owes me an orgasm
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
