brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
