I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
