If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
