I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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