Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
