LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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