just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Randomize
