It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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