i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
