Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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