So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
