she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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