i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
