in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
there is puke in my bra ... again
How naked do you want me to be?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
