so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize