Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
