I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
