I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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