Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
