Soap is not a condiment
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
