I think my vagina is haunted
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
