Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
