It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
