I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
