im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
