from now on my penis is your penis
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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