I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize