i need an iv and a liver transplant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
