She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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