i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
