what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
