i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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