so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
